Retorsefulness: to be quietly sorry

Combination of the modern English reticent “a kind of reservation marked by lack of desire to offer information” (c.1600, from French réticence, from Latin reticentia “silence”) and remorse “an expression of personal regret” (late 14c., from Old French remors, from Medieval Latin remorsum, from neuter past participle of Latin remordere “to vex, disturb,” literally “to bite back”)

 

It isn’t that I am truly unapologetic. I’ve missed this blog–particularly the little rush I get when I invent a word that seems clever.  In the future I will avoid all durevenant promises of consistency. I’m quietly sorry because this blog is entirely for my own pleasure and I have nothing to explain to any of you. 

Maybe that sounds a little obstinate and unfriendly. Sorry.

You all are my friends, and maybe I owe something of an explanation. Let’s just say that I was engaged in a number of ventures, even the least of which captured all of my energy and time. I found myself at one point adventuring through Southeast Asian jungle, and at another collecting my B.A. from my university. In retrospect, however, I take enormous pleasure in reporting that greatest of my adventures in the last year has been spiritual and intellectual in nature. 

With regard to my last post, I originally had every intention of continuing my reading of Richard Dawkin’s impressive critique of religion.  However, at risk of incurring a debilitating amount of debt at the local library, I decided to spare myself the late fee. We’ll be moving on to bigger and better topics, my friends. With this, a lot of hope, and only a little reservation, I announce that I’m back in the blogosphere. Who knows how long it will last?

 

Sagen: to speak the truth

O.E. secgan “to utter, say,” from P.Gmc. *sagjanan (cf. O.S. seggian, O.N. segja, O.Fris. sedsa, M.Du. segghen, Du. zeggen, O.H.G. sagen, Ger. sagen “to say”)

Tags: Dawkins, apologist, Christ, theology, critique, critical thinking, religion

As it turns out, there is no primary verb in English for “speak the truth.”  If there were, I imagine it would carry a kind of gravity exceeding that of our current phraseology. Many people claim to speak the truth, and many people on both sides of the blurry line that separates fact from fiction have amounted piles of evidence (scientifically supported or verified by metaphysical logic) supporting their claims to the truth. Many people claim to “possess” the truth, as if ideas were as tangible as objects and could be locked away from anyone who should like to claim it as their own. Some people claim to be “in” the truth, as if it protects them from the need to defend their own claims. Some people dismiss the notion of truth entirely, insisting that truth is only relative, and if any absolute truth exists we cannot approximate it. These days it seems that less and less of the world is willing to admit their own uncertainty.

In the spirit of uncertainty, I decided to take a look at The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins. I’d like to think that my mind was open to Dawkins’ arguments. I was willing to lean into the discomfort that his objections to the existence of God might raise, but I was left fairly disappointed by the premise and first chapter. To be fair, his book is addressed to “closet atheists” who were raised in the church and feel pressure to pay lip service to a God they don’t believe in. His intended audience might be receptive to his bigoted assertions that the religious mind is inherently weak without giving the implications of such an assertion any serious thought. On the other hand, there may be some prospective non-believers who found it upsetting, as I did, that Dawkins’ first chapter consisted of absolutely no evidence or arguments against the existence of a personal God, but rather some clarifications about what is meant by “God”, a frantic explanation of Albert Einstein’s opinions on the matter, and a series of baseless generalizations about believers and their supposed “intellectual and moral cowardice.” (p.17)

In order to take my review of this book seriously, I need to divide it into sections. My next post will be on chapters two through  five, the post after that on chapters six through eight, and my final post in the series on chapters nine through ten. I’ll do my best to acknowledge my biases and treat Dawkins fairly.  I want to add, as an aside, that in no way am I trying to completely overturn Dawkins’ work. He is a respectable author and I’m just an amateur college student spilling out my thoughts. On the other hand, if anyone reads this I encourage you to comment. It would be cool to get a discussion going.

Egoseismosis: The condition of being compelled to unholy self-deprecation.

Ego, 1714, as a term in metaphysics, from Latin. ego “I”. Seismo, comb. form of Greek. from seismos “earthquake”. And osis, a suffix expressing state or condition, in medical terminology denoting “a state of disease,” from Latin -osis.

Not everyone will admit to having experienced this, but I’m guessing a good percentage of you have at one time or another encountered your inner bully. This is the part of you that just loves to kick you around, criticize you, and beat all the real-life critics to the punch. This is the part of us that loves to wallow in self-hatred and misery because it is comfortable and familiar. This is Christopher Titus’s “inner idiot”. This is the little voice that was planted in our heads as children by a critical parent or sibling or teacher and that follows us, prodding us in the back, wherever we go from then on.

Our culture advocates self-criticism. It admires the individual who can stoically suffer through these feelings of self-loathing and do so with a smile.  Emotional non-responsiveness is the ideal.  We learn to take the criticism that is heaped on us by our parents, by the media, by bosses, etc. and to take all our our frustration out on ourselves until the flood of self-blaming drives us to numb the pain anyway we can: with food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, and sometimes even self-harm. Large-scale studies have shown that extreme self-critics end their lives more frequently than others. And this should come as no surprise: for some, self-hatred overrides the will to live itself (Neff). I’m guessing that is especially true in cases where the criticism coming from within is accompanied by extreme criticism and shaming from people in the individual’s life.

Dr. Kristin Neff has dedicated her life to a study of self-compassion and how it can improve an individual’s well-being. As she describes it, self-compassion is literally the act of having compassion on oneself in difficult moments. And in our perfectionist society, this is not the norm. It is, however, the norm in many other (read:happier) places in the world, such as the Buddhist nation of Thailand.  I will be visiting Thailand in two weeks, and will definitely follow up here with any observations I may have about the role of self-compassion in that country.

In the meantime, I think it would serve us all to cultivate a little self-love. I’m tired of the misery, I’m not going to put up with it anymore, and you shouldn’t either!

Check out Dr. Kristen Neff here.

Rape: Not a neologism.

late 14c., “seize prey; abduct, take by force,” from Anglo-French. raper (O.Fr. rapir) “to seize, abduct,” a legal term, probably from pp. of Latin. rapere“seize, carry off by force, abduct”.  Latin rapere was used for “sexual violation,” but only very rarely; the usual Latin word being stuprum, lit. “disgrace.”

This word connotes a lot of damage. A recent opinion article on CNN.com conveyed the outrage that many women feel towards the suggestion made by Todd Akin that a woman who conceives is not “legitimately” raped. The author is  Shauna Prewitt, a Chicago lawyer who was raped at the age of 21, who conceived, and who was later sued by her rapist for parental rights to the child. After a little research, Shauna discovered that in 31 states can claim equal custody rights to the child conceived during the rape as his victim.

Shauna’s pain was amplifyed by the fact that she was being victimized, not only by the rapist, but by the court system that was supposed to protect her.

As my history lesson said, I found myself on trial, facing the most fierce judge and jury: ignorance.

I think the rest of the blogosphere and media have effectively addressed the outrage and injustice of this rule. But I would like to point out the bitter irony of this in the context of definition above. To rape originally meant to literally “seize prey”; “abduct”, or to “take by force”.  How unnerving is it that the very same government that exists to protect women from this abominable act facilitates further plundering? They are effectively enabling the rapist to remove the only bright outcome of such a traumatizing event.

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Slumeritary: Pertaining to one who demonstrates clever money-earning strategies.

slu, Low German slu “cunning, sly” ; merit,  Latin meritare “to earn, yield,” ary, ary adjective and noun suffix from Latin -arius, -aria, -arium “connected with, pertaining to; the man engaged in”

You may have noticed something new on my blog.

You guessed it: Ads. This is something new I’m trying, and I won’t blame you for finding my anti-purist viewpoints morally reprehensible. I have felt that way in the past and it hasn’t paid any of my bills.  So for those of you who would criticize me for ruining the artistic integrity of my blog for the sake of a few bucks, well, sorry. But for those of you who take no objection to my slumeritary tactics, click and surf away!

Durevenant: Being resolved to return permanently.

From revenant, 1827, from Fr. revenant, prp. of revenir “to return” and dur, from L. durare “to last, harden”.

Last, year I swore off blogging, citing my inconsistent nature and my tendency to delve into heated metaphysical debates with myself that I’m sure agonized my sparse readership. A blog, for me, results in an uncomfortable (and expensive) number of hours sitting in coffee shops, chugging 20-oz. skim lattes until  I have to will myself to remain seated. The last two months have overcome with ideas and experiences that I have decided to record (for my sake and no one else’s.)  The major shift in thinking occurred when I spent a month in the North Carolina wilderness on an Outward Bound course. This course profoundly changed the way I thought about group dynamics, improved my self-worth and confidence, and taught me a host of technical skills that will help me if (and more likely, when) I decide to undertake another outdoor expedition. My favorite part of the expedition was the whitewater canoeing block. I had no prior whitewater experience, but by the end of four days our crew was paddling class III rapids. It was the most fun I have ever had.

(Advisory note: These are not class III rapids. Do not attempt to paddle Niagara Falls.)

Besides beasting in some multi-pitch climbing, backpacking, and four-cheese mac and cheese prepared on whisper-light stoves, I got to know some of the most driven, compassionate, and fun-loving people I had ever met. I also met some of the bitchiest people I didn’t know existed and discovered just how irritable I can become when pushed.  And on that note, you really should look into Outward Bound for yourself. Ever since my course, I’ve been growing into a new sense of self and into a new feeling of hope and expectation about the future. I am trying to put my insecurity, complacency, and cynicism aside for the sake of a little experiment. This is taking a great deal of effort on my part. My experiment is this: If a girl is willing to put aside these mental hang-ups in order to recklessly strive for a higher standard, are there any limits to what she can achieve?

“You cannot stay on the summit forever; you have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Just this: What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above. One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” -Rene Daumal

So, if this blog is for my sake and no one else’s, why subject all of the internet to it? Why not just buy a diary? Well, if I’m being honest, I need you to hold me accountable. I need you to call me out if I’m being vague, non-commital, or if I fail to hold myself to my own standards. Internet: I’m counting on you.